Once again, I have broken ribs.
Riding a Segway through a corn field, carrying a 50m extension reel on the handle bars, when the reel falls off the stand it was attached to and drops right under the tyre. I go arse over tit over the handle bars and land on my side with my elbow tucked under. Loud crack comes out my mouth along with all the breath in my lungs. I tried to get up straight away but I couldn’t get off my elbows and knees and I was making this weird wheezing sound, properly thought I had punctured a lung. After a minute of trying to breathe I managed to get some shallow breaths in to loosen me up, but it took about 5 minutes before my breathing was normal and I was on my feet. The Segway had taken out a few corn stalks, had to retrieve that. The reel was covered in mud, the prick. I got back on and carried on riding through the field. It hurt like fuck, but I started laughing uncontrollably.
Been doped up in three cities in three days. Finally back at my flat, laid out and watching Die Hard. Probably going to watch all 4.
Suppose it’s a better story than last time they broke, on a bar while dropping a chewy in a bin at an Olafur Arnalds gig.
Yippee Ki Yay mother fucker.